There was a time in my life where I had a definite problem with double checking things. This issue that may seem minor became so powerful that it disrupted my life for several years. I believe its cause came from a period in my life where I was working long hours under great stress. But I must state this wasn't a situation where I couldn't sleep; it was a situation where I couldn't find time to sleep. I had simply taken on too much responsibility at work and in my private life. There were times that I should have backed off but I didn't. Instead, I pushed ahead and consequently took my first steps into madness and mania.
I can remember the first day that my double checking had started. I had ended my shift and was exhausted. I was going home and taking the department schedules home with me to do payroll. Then just as I was about to throw them into my locker and go to the washroom someone tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I wanted to go for dinner. I was starving but at the same time extremely fatigued. I agreed because I knew that I had a long night ahead of me and would need to eat at some point. We left for the restaurant. It was at this juncture that I felt confused and couldn't get my thoughts straight. I was sure that I thrown the schedules in my locker and snapped on my lock, but I couldn't remember.
When I came back from dinner to retrieve the schedules from my locker it was wide open and the schedules and several other items were missing. I stood there replaying what had happened earlier and I was sure that I put the schedules in my locker and locked her up. I reasoned that someone had to have broken in and nabbed them. Asking around the office I was told that I merely walked away from my locker and had left it open, but someone still had to steal the schedules from inside.
Craig, the man I had gone for lunch with told me that I had taken the schedules with us for dinner and at one point during eating I got up and took them to the washroom with me and when I got back I no longer had them.
Panicked, I went back to the restaurant and talked to the waitress and asked her if she had come across any papers that I may of left behind. She said that there were none left at the table and that's when I mentioned I might have left them in the washroom. She told me that the custodian may have taken them but that he had gone home for the night. I begged her for to call him at home and ask him if he had seen my work schedules. She agreed.
Miraculously, he answered the phone and she talked to him for about thirty seconds and then hung up. She said that he had seen the schedules in the washroom and that the man I was sitting with, Craig, had taken them and threw them in the garbage. I called Craig immediately and questioned him and he said that he was throwing paper towels in the garbage not the schedules and the janitor wasn't even in the washroom at the time.
I still had until 10 a.m. the next morning to complete payroll so I went home that night and paced the floor until my feet went numb. Before I knew it my alarm had gone off and I hadn't slept a wink. I arrived at work the next day, hopeless, knowing I would receive a warning letter from the company for not completing payroll.
I went into my manager's office and said I had lost the schedules and didn't do payroll. He looked at me and said that I had completed it yesterday and had handed him the highlighted payroll.
I slumped down into the chair and started to cry. My manager patted me on the shoulder and told me to take the rest of the day off.