His name was Orest and he was a man that had a big heart but supposedly a little brain. A scatterbrain to be exact. Orest was a hulking mass of a man whose arms hung down to his feet which gave him the appearance of walking like an ape. He also had the strange habit of talking through the side of his mouth like he was telling you a secret but then all of a sudden he would get loud, slap his knee, throw back his head and say something stupid beyond all belief. Because of his so-called limited intelligence he had worked in a bottle depot for his whole life. His wife, Doreen always called him an idiot and a scatterbrain in front of people, something that he always laughed off in his strange manner that seemed to be a laugh that was mocking her. It was almost like he knew something that she didn't.
The thing about Orest was he was actually a very intelligent guy who just had the appearance of a dummy and it was because of this that people believed he was a hammerhead. So it must be stated that he was sharp and perceptive and loved to play dumb.
One weekend Orest and his wife were invited to a wedding and as they were sitting at the table with people that they only slightly knew, these people began to make conversation with Orest and his wife. The people at the table would look at Orest in strange ways as his big bald head popped out of his suit. They also were baffled how he continually squinted one eye and made weird noises out of the side of his mouth. To the people at the table Orest looked like an ape in a suit. Also, because his arms were so long he couldn't get a suit that fit right and his sleeves were nearly up to his elbows which exposed his tattoos of a teddy bear on each forearm. But the most freakish thing about him were his enormous hands that had fingers like sausages and palms like baseball gloves. He always kept his hands under the table so people didn't see them. But when it was time to eat he would pull them out which scared people. Immediately everyone looked at their hands to compare the size difference.
That night whenever someone would try to make conversation with Orest his wife would cut him off or call him an idiot. He would then laugh at her through the side of his mouth.
Later on in the evening one of the people at the table asked Orest about his freak hands. He leaned back and slapped his knee, squinted his eye and made a weird gurgling noise. He then tried to pick his nose but his finger was too big to get up his nostril. His wife shook her head and said, "Don't bother talking to him, he's a pinhead. He works in a bottle depot. Believe me his hands are good for nothing."
Orest then ejaculated, "That's not what your mother said on our wedding night."
The whole table burst out laughing and Orest pointed at her while he mocked her with his laugh.