Back in Time

​I had always wondered what was wrong with me. My whole life I had been told that I was different, anti-social, strange compared to the norms of society. Ever since I could remember I had been this way. I came to reason that there had to have been something that happened early in my life which made me like this, something that I could not remember. I had asked my parents and they said that I had a good upbringing and had never been abused. They said they did not know of any traumatic incidents that happened to me early on in life; to them I was a normal boy. When I asked them why I was such a loner they told me that many people were and there was nothing to be concerned about. But I knew they were lying because in the past I had heard them talking about me through the walls, saying that maybe they should send me to the therapist and get a brain scan done.

​One day I decided to go see a therapist and through hypnosis we traveled back to my childhood to find the cause of my loner behavior. I tried to go back as far as I could but then at about the age of five my mind would go no further. The therapist tried to prod me along but we could not get past this invisible wall in my mind. After repeated sessions she told me that I was suffering from emotional blackout and that unless I was able to travel back in time I would likely never know what happened in my early childhood.

Then one day I was reading about a man that claimed that he had invented a virtual time machine where you travelled back in time by electrodes being attached to your head. These electrodes could read the impulses of your mind and tap into your subconscious and see every memory you had. Effectively you were watching your whole life in virtual reality, like on a movie screen.

He told me to think about a memory, so I went back as far as I could in my mind and from there we worked in reverse to see when my anti-social behavior had started. I was in the chair hooked up to electrodes for nearly eight hours when we finally came to the incident that changed the course of my life.

My preschool class had gone to a carny. I watched myself having a good time with my friends on the rides and eating candy floss. I then went to washroom and when I came out everyone was gone. Soon it was getting dark and I was very scared and at one point I urinated in my pants from fear. I asked people to help me but nobody would listen. I started to cry as I wandered hopelessly around the carny. Then a creepy old man that looked like a pedophile offered me a ride home. I ran away from him until I found a pretty lady police officer. She picked me up and held me as I cried on her shoulder. Finally I felt safe and she took me home. 

That was the incident. I had been forgotten and abandoned by my teachers and classmates and nobody even looked for me. I felt lost, hurt, scared and trusted no one since then. 

But now with this knowledge it was time to move on and change my life for the better. The problem was that I didn't know how.