The Closet

One's closet. Do you really know what you have in there? Or is it mystery? Do you even know that you have one? Do you really even care? I knew one fellow who rented a house and the previous tenants did not take out their possessions from the closet, so my friend one day opened it up and there was a ghastly smell inside. He quickly shut it and he said that he was never going to open it again. 

​Many have often heard the term, skeleton in their closet. The association is that everyone has something to hide and if they were going to hide it they would hide it in the closet. Let's say if they had murdered a family, the skeletons would be in the closet. But to me it would make a lot more sense just to bury them in the back yard or wrap them in a body bag and put them below the cellar. That's just me. What would you do? How would you dispose of a body with the intention of nobody finding it? It easier said than done. I was once a suspect in the murder of a family of five. The police harassed me for years, but they never really got anywhere. They only had two clues. The first one being that I had rented a chainsaw and never returned it and also that I rented a wood chipper which I also never returned. The truth is I did rent a chainsaw and a wood chipper but they were stolen. I swear I'm telling the truth. I know you don't believe me, that's fine because neither did the police or anyone else. So you can all go to hell. I just love how the police string together evidence to form a conspiracy. 

They dug deep into my past. Hey, I realize I have some skeletons in the closet. Ha! A little play on words just to mess you up. But like I said they dug into my past and found out the when I had a farm I also had a pet cemetery on the property. Big deal! Aren't animals allowed a proper burial like humans. But again none of this they could tie into the murder of the family of five. It was all circumstantial. Dumb cops. They always tried to get a search warrant to search my apartment but they were never able to secure one. Too bad, so sad. But it wasn't going to make any difference because I had nothing to hide.

I did have one concern and that was the police forming a chain of evidence to arraign me and at that point in front of a jury anything could happen. Juries can do some strange things. But they would never catch me, hypothetically speaking if I decided to murder a family. I know you are starting to get suspicious of me and my closet or maybe my floorboards but that is nothing more than your imagination running away from you. So just relax and take a deep breath. 

I tell you what, why don't you come over and I'll allow to take a look, but not in the closet. Not because there's anything evil in there but because there is so much stuff in there that if you were to open it something may fall on your head. So why don't you come over tonight and bring a friend if you like.

Later that day.

Well, hello there. It's so nice to finally see you in the flesh. Why don't you check around, except the closet. Don't touch the closet. See everything is okay. I know you were expecting to find a family in my freezer or a cache of heads in the corner of my room. But look, nothing. What's that? What did you say? You want to see what's inside my closet? Okay. Okay. I'll let you have a quick peek, but only a quick one. Go ahead open the closet. Don't worry nothing is going to fall on you. That was just a lie. I swear I don't lie often. Well, maybe once in a while, but only to the police. Here let me open it for you. See. No skeletons or heads or body bags or any foul smells. Just five jackets. That's all. Would you like to try one on? Go ahead. They're beautiful aren't they. I bet that's the first time you've ever tried on a jacket made from human flesh...